Rain is falling tuesday afternoon, and you can hear its thousands of drops hitting the plastic roof, nature's song, perfect conditions for writing. I am very at peace with the rain, I love to sleep with it, I love to write with its company, I love to run around in it.
I decided not to go to Tupac Katari University today after planning on it. Truthfully, I was lonely and lacked motivation to go at it alone; we are all social creatures, had I had a companero to go with I would have been all for it. But, I cannot use that as an excuse. It is important to test our own ambitions and consistency, and to challenge ourselves and our level of dedication. I am not afraid, although sometimes slightly ashamed, to expose my psychology as an activist, to hold myself responsible and accountable for my actions and commitments, or lack thereof; sometimes my resolve is legitimate, sometimes it is insufficient. Perhaps when I can stop asking myself these questions, I can then genuinely call myself a Revolutionary and not simply an activist.
This trip for me has been revelatory in that its turned into, or reverted to, somewhat of a psyche battle between the introvert revolutionary writer, and the extravert revolutionary activist. I'd say that 55 % of the time my character compels me to be a writer, and the rest of the time I absolutely need to be a social and hands on creature. I am going to keep analysing and studying this for myself, and for the benefit of the subject in general, the psychology of the young activist. I can also say that 26 is the last year I'll call myself a YOUNG activist; after 26 I am a 'adult' activist, and I can no longer use young as an excuse. The apologetic logic of 'I still have time, I'll get there', should no longer suffice.
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